Disclaimer: This post is full of cheese, a whole lot of honesty, and a whole lot of mushiness. However, I truly hope this inspires people on their life journey and our ultimate desire to find love. 

First, let’s set this all up – taking it back to 2012.

After ending a relationship of 8 years, I had moved to Portland from San Diego with only a car full of belongings. I left my job, my old relationship, and all of my friends in a desperate search to find myself and experience a necessary change. I had so much catching up to do… I was in a relationship for so long and at such a young age, that exploring new surroundings and getting to know who I was as a young woman was what I needed the most.

So, I spent the next two years taking solo trips, dating, learning, and finally, accepting a new job in a completely new field (I was hired to work for a modeling agency). Dating, let’s just say, was something I hated. I have always been so picky and it was so hard for me to really connect with anyone physically or emotionally.

I finally got myself let go of worrying about who I would meet and decided to put full focus on myself, my new job, and creating a really great life for myself. It’s so easy to think that our purpose in life is to figure out who we are going to get married to and have a family with. While I certainly think that is a part of life, I whole heartedly believe that the focus needs to be on ourselves first.

Anyway, so there I was. Living in an awesome city, working at a modeling agency, finally making a decent living, spending a lot of time with my friends, and traveling as much as possible. I was truly feeling great about life. I remember still going on a dates or hanging out with different guys, but I’d quickly move on if I knew it wasn’t something really exciting.

Meanwhile, working at a modeling agency meant no shortage of good looking men. I had no complaints! Other than the reality that most of them weren’t my type (looks aside). If you can believe it, you can actually stop being phased by handsome men surrounding you – haha!

There was always this one guy though… and that’s where our story starts.

Tyson (my now husband) was one of the models we worked with at the agency. I remember he started booking a lot of jobs and with that, meant more paychecks. At that time, models would come into the office pick up their checks, so I would get to see him almost weekly. There was just something about him… I was super attracted to him, but he was just so funny and kind. He was so nice to everyone in the office and I just loved his presence. In fact, I loved it so much that every time I knew he was coming in to the office I would spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom touching up my makeup and hair before he got there.

Fast forward a few months, he asked me out to grab a drink. I literally thought to myself… this might just be him trying to be nice to me since I book him on jobs. Haha! He was so friendly to everyone, not just me, that I thought… maybe he literally is that guy that just wants to be friends. Nonetheless, I accepted and we met for drinks at a local bar one night to play shuffleboard.

We seriously had the best time. No frills, nothing fancy, just a good ole fun night. We played shuffleboard and then sat at the bar and talked for hours about life, our passions and our dreams. I found out what a nerd he was (in a good way, babe!), but also how smart he was.

Anyway, we ended that night with a kiss (one of the best kisses I’ve ever had) and then this is where it got all confusing.

Tyson left for LA two days later. Meanwhile, I had a guy that I had a bit of a fling with from California coming up to visit me in Portland. When he got here, my mind was completely on Tyson. I felt terrible. I was just in la la land. But here’s the thing… I was SO old school with guys. I always let them make the move, and when Tyson got to Cali I didn’t hear from him. I thought to myself… YEP, I knew that was way to good to be true. Then, fast forward two weeks later, we have a work party for Christmas and Tyson has just returned to Portland from LA. We didn’t speak that entire time, so in my head I was thinking… WHAT AN ASS. And then I did what any girl would do…

I knew Tyson was going to be at the party, so I put on a short little black romper, and went all out on getting myself ready for that party. My main agenda that night was to walk in there like I own the place and flirt with every guy BUT him.

We said a short hello, I was super nice (didn’t want him to see I was upset) and then went about the night. He left the party early and I’ll never forget the way my stomach sank when I got a text from him after he left saying “when can I take you out again?” And from there, we went out again. This time, once again, was the most effortless, amazing night. Of course I gave him all the crap I could about not talking to me after our first date and the reality was that he was just as nervous as I was. He was waiting for me to say something to him and because I didn’t, he assumed I wasn’t interested.

It’s hard to explain, but we both did just know. We started spending everyday together and neither of us even had the slightest doubt. Our friends and family were like… WAIT, slow down. We were just so full on, so fast, that naturally, people got weary. But, I knew it was right.

You know that saying “you’re my person?” It’s a little obnoxious, but I don’t know another way to put it. I had just never felt more compatible with someone. I also didn’t really think it was possible to be physically AND emotionally attracted to someone. I always felt like no matter what, it would be more one way than the other. I also just didn’t think you could fall as hard as we did, and have those feelings actually last.

So, we did what most crazy lovers would do and we got engaged two months later.

I would have probably married him the day he proposed, that’s how certain I was, but we decided we wanted to do a small, intimate wedding somewhere warm. We were planning on a Fall wedding 6 months out, but after receiving some news about a wedding crasher, we decided to get married in three months.

I had NO idea I was pregnant because we only had one night of not being careful (sorry, TMI) and the only real symptom I had was just being extra tired, but yep, I was a few weeks along. Hence, why we will forever call him our love child.

We then decided to speed up the wedding process since I was feeling good early on in my pregnancy and wasn’t sure if I would feel that great the whole time. So, we went to Hawaii, tied the knot, and then waited for our little human to arrive.

I’m almost in tears writing this because all of this is just a reminder that life works out in the craziest of ways. The choices we make for our life (and the ones that are often the hardest) are what make this space for our life to evolve and take place.

I questioned myself a million times after I decided to leave a relationship, my job and move to a different state. Life just didn’t make sense for longest time.

Until it does. 

Had I not made the decision to end my previous relationship and move to Portland, I would have never known this life.

I’m by no means perfect or an expert here, but here are some things I’ve learned over my years:

1. Don’t settle. I know you’ve heard this before, but I need you to hear it again! Never think, this will do. Pay close attention to those tiny gut feelings. Please don’t ever settle with something that isn’t a big YES.

2. Get to know yourself first. There is much to explore and do on your own. Learn, kick butt at your job, travel, and spend time meeting different people. The people and the experiences will help shape who you are as a person and also help you see more of what you want.

3. Put yourself out there. You won’t meet people huddled up in your house every night. Get out into the world, try new things, explore new environments, and get to know different people.

4. Know your worth. We’ve all had those relationships that didn’t make us feel stellar. Those relationships that keep you feeling insecure or those relationships that are toxic. Rise above! A healthy relationship should always bring out the best in you and should make you feel secure and confident.

5. Don’t be afraid to be alone. I think we often stay in relationships because we are scared of being on our own and scared of the unknown. We get comfortable. We’ve all been there! But if you know that something in a relationship is missing, know that there is so much power and growth in being on your own. Know that space is not forever, I promise!

6. Cherish your relationship. If you are dating or married and things are great, cherish that. Love on that person as much as possible and try and remind yourself to do things for that person like you used to do when you first started dating. Keep that flame burning… show affection, show kindness, travel together, date each other, and always put each other first.

Thank you for showing me the most incredible love. You take such good care of Parker and I and you always put us first. You have made me the happiest and most content I’ve ever felt in life and with you, life just makes so much more sense. I admire you in so many ways and will forever keep pinching myself, knowing that you are mine. I love you!

xx
Lindsay