Tag: motherhood

Motherhood: Life With a Threenager

Three started out like a dream. More affection, more silliness, more conversation. I was amazed at how different it felt from the two’s. I mean, it felt like Parker was a straight up grown-up all of a sudden.

Fast forward to ALMOST 3.5 years old (aka, like two weeks ago) and I feel like we have a full-fledged teenage boy on our hands. Or actually, like a teenage girl, because I swear he is just like I was when I was 16.

Right now we are just kind of sitting back and letting this (hopefully) ride out, because dang this has been rough. With Parker, I’ve always felt like we lucked out big time. For the most part, he has been a super fun, loving, and generally easy kiddo. But boy have we seen some changes lately.

What changes you ask? Haha! Ok, allow me to walk you through this a bit. And PLEASE comment, text, call, email, whatever, and let me know if you have experienced this because this has been straight up BATTLE. World War III.

So, the screaming…

If he doesn’t get something, if we have to leave a place he wants to be at, or basically if something or anything doesn’t go his way, in come the screams. Not only are there the screams, but also come the “I hate you!” and “You are mean!” or just hits to the face. Yep. This is all while mid scream. And this seems to happen most often in public places. Yay!

I remember specifically the first night this happened. The screams were accompanied with a LOT of hitting and throwing things and that night Tyson and I went right to battle with him. We yelled back and tried to be as firm as possible. And guess what… there was no winner that night. It just kept going and going and going and going and going. Until we were all practically in tears.
That night I realized, when you are dealing with the out of control behavior, nothing gets solved in those moments. No lessons will be learned, no impressions to be made.

Since that night, we’ve now been asking him to go upstairs to his room every time this situation happens. And sometimes he will cry and scream and throw things at his door for what seems like an hour, but eventually he stops. And lately we’ve been noticing it really paying off because he will now come downstairs after getting all his frustration out and come right down to say “I’m really sorry for getting mean.”

So needless to say, this a work in progress, but I never in a million years thought I’d see a 3-year-old get this worked up. I mean, when he gets upset, I swear it’s the same way a teenager would. Definitely not a small child. And then of course 5 minutes later you get this amazing, loving and sweet boy again (such a dang rollercoaster!).

Anyway, I feel like I have to share this because it’s important to remember that things aren’t always as smiley and perfect as they seem to be in photos. Parenthood has it’s ups and downs, and no one does it perfectly.

I know this will pass. It’s a phase and we will be ok. But dang, being in the thick of it is rough. And as I’ve always said… we are going to mess up a million times I’m sure, but at the end of the day love never fails. All we can do is try our best and then tell him how much we love him regardless.

This too shall pass : )

Happy weekend, friends!
xx

Our Love Story


Disclaimer: This post is full of cheese, a whole lot of honesty, and a whole lot of mushiness. However, I truly hope this inspires people on their life journey and our ultimate desire to find love. 

First, let’s set this all up – taking it back to 2012.

After ending a relationship of 8 years, I had moved to Portland from San Diego with only a car full of belongings. I left my job, my old relationship, and all of my friends in a desperate search to find myself and experience a necessary change. I had so much catching up to do… I was in a relationship for so long and at such a young age, that exploring new surroundings and getting to know who I was as a young woman was what I needed the most.

So, I spent the next two years taking solo trips, dating, learning, and finally, accepting a new job in a completely new field (I was hired to work for a modeling agency). Dating, let’s just say, was something I hated. I have always been so picky and it was so hard for me to really connect with anyone physically or emotionally.

I had so many doubts that I would ever find love again and I always questioned my past decisions. 

I finally got myself let go of worrying about who I would meet and decided to put full focus on myself, my new job, and creating a really great life for myself. It’s so easy to think that our purpose in life is to figure out who we are going to get married to and have a family with. While I certainly think that is a part of life, I whole heartedly believe that the focus needs to be on ourselves first.


Anyway, so there I was. Living in an awesome city, working at a modeling agency, finally making a decent living, spending a lot of time with my friends, and traveling as much as possible. I was truly feeling great about life. I remember still going on a dates or hanging out with different guys, but I’d quickly move on if I knew it wasn’t something really exciting.

Meanwhile, working at a modeling agency meant no shortage of good looking men. I had no complaints! Other than the reality that most of them weren’t my type (looks aside). If you can believe it, you can actually stop being phased by handsome men surrounding you – haha!

There was always this one guy though… and that’s where our story starts.

Tyson (my now husband) was one of the models we worked with at the agency. I remember he started booking a lot of jobs and with that, meant more paychecks. At that time, models would come into the office pick up their checks, so I would get to see him almost weekly. There was just something about him… I was super attracted to him, but he was just so funny and kind. He was so nice to everyone in the office and I just loved his presence. In fact, I loved it so much that every time I knew he was coming in to the office I would spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom touching up my makeup and hair before he got there.

Fast forward a few months, he asked me out to grab a drink. I literally thought to myself… this might just be him trying to be nice to me since I book him on jobs. Haha! He was so friendly to everyone, not just me, that I thought… maybe he literally is that guy that just wants to be friends. Nonetheless, I accepted and we met for drinks at a local bar one night to play shuffleboard.

We seriously had the best time. No frills, nothing fancy, just a good ole fun night. We played shuffleboard and then sat at the bar and talked for hours about life, our passions and our dreams. I found out what a nerd he was (in a good way, babe!), but also how smart he was.

I just remember thinking, WAKE ME UP. Handsome, smart and so nice. Where the heck did you come from?

Anyway, we ended that night with a kiss (one of the best kisses I’ve ever had) and then this is where it got all confusing.

Tyson left for LA two days later. Meanwhile, I had a guy that I had a bit of a fling with from California coming up to visit me in Portland. When he got here, my mind was completely on Tyson. I felt terrible. I was just in la la land. But here’s the thing… I was SO old school with guys. I always let them make the move, and when Tyson got to Cali I didn’t hear from him. I thought to myself… YEP, I knew that was way to good to be true. Then, fast forward two weeks later, we have a work party for Christmas and Tyson has just returned to Portland from LA. We didn’t speak that entire time, so in my head I was thinking… WHAT AN ASS. And then I did what any girl would do…

I knew Tyson was going to be at the party, so I put on a short little black romper, and went all out on getting myself ready for that party. My main agenda that night was to walk in there like I own the place and flirt with every guy BUT him.

We said a short hello, I was super nice (didn’t want him to see I was upset) and then went about the night. He left the party early and I’ll never forget the way my stomach sank when I got a text from him after he left saying “when can I take you out again?” And from there, we went out again. This time, once again, was the most effortless, amazing night. Of course I gave him all the crap I could about not talking to me after our first date and the reality was that he was just as nervous as I was. He was waiting for me to say something to him and because I didn’t, he assumed I wasn’t interested.

After our second date, we knew this was some sort of crazy, wild love. 

It’s hard to explain, but we both did just know. We started spending everyday together and neither of us even had the slightest doubt. Our friends and family were like… WAIT, slow down. We were just so full on, so fast, that naturally, people got weary. But, I knew it was right.

You know that saying “you’re my person?” It’s a little obnoxious, but I don’t know another way to put it. I had just never felt more compatible with someone. I also didn’t really think it was possible to be physically AND emotionally attracted to someone. I always felt like no matter what, it would be more one way than the other. I also just didn’t think you could fall as hard as we did, and have those feelings actually last.

So, we did what most crazy lovers would do and we got engaged two months later.

I would have probably married him the day he proposed, that’s how certain I was, but we decided we wanted to do a small, intimate wedding somewhere warm. We were planning on a Fall wedding 6 months out, but after receiving some news about a wedding crasher, we decided to get married in three months.


Hello, Parker!

I had NO idea I was pregnant because we only had one night of not being careful (sorry, TMI) and the only real symptom I had was just being extra tired, but yep, I was a few weeks along. Hence, why we will forever call him our love child.

We then decided to speed up the wedding process since I was feeling good early on in my pregnancy and wasn’t sure if I would feel that great the whole time. So, we went to Hawaii, tied the knot, and then waited for our little human to arrive.

I’m almost in tears writing this because all of this is just a reminder that life works out in the craziest of ways. The choices we make for our life (and the ones that are often the hardest) are what make this space for our life to evolve and take place.

I questioned myself a million times after I decided to leave a relationship, my job and move to a different state. Life just didn’t make sense for longest time.

Until it does. 

Had I not made the decision to end my previous relationship and move to Portland, I would have never known this life.

I’m by no means perfect or an expert here, but here are some things I’ve learned over my years:

1. Don’t settle. I know you’ve heard this before, but I need you to hear it again! Never think, this will do. Pay close attention to those tiny gut feelings. Please don’t ever settle with something that isn’t a big YES.

2. Get to know yourself first. There is much to explore and do on your own. Learn, kick butt at your job, travel, and spend time meeting different people. The people and the experiences will help shape who you are as a person and also help you see more of what you want.

3. Put yourself out there. You won’t meet people huddled up in your house every night. Get out into the world, try new things, explore new environments, and get to know different people.

4. Know your worth. We’ve all had those relationships that didn’t make us feel stellar. Those relationships that keep you feeling insecure or those relationships that are toxic. Rise above! A healthy relationship should always bring out the best in you and should make you feel secure and confident.

5. Don’t be afraid to be alone. I think we often stay in relationships because we are scared of being on our own and scared of the unknown. We get comfortable. We’ve all been there! But if you know that something in a relationship is missing, know that there is so much power and growth in being on your own. Know that space is not forever, I promise!

6. Cherish your relationship. If you are dating or married and things are great, cherish that. Love on that person as much as possible and try and remind yourself to do things for that person like you used to do when you first started dating. Keep that flame burning… show affection, show kindness, travel together, date each other, and always put each other first.


Lastly, this is for you Tyson…

Thank you for showing me the most incredible love. You take such good care of Parker and I and you always put us first. You have made me the happiest and most content I’ve ever felt in life and with you, life just makes so much more sense. I admire you in so many ways and will forever keep pinching myself, knowing that you are mine. I love you!

xx
Lindsay

Quality Time

Good ol’ “quality time.” You know, those times when you are unplugged and present, soaking up whichever moment you find yourself in. Sometimes I feel like I’ve totally lost hold of that concept, and other times I ask myself, why don’t I do this more often?

It really struck a chord with me awhile ago when we were on vacation in San Diego. I had every intention to head to the pool and listen to some music while sipping my margarita. Tyson told me to go enjoy two hours solo while he napped with Parker back at the room, so I did just that. Two whole hours at the pool by myself seemed like a vacation all in itself! So, I got my towel, a front row chair by the water, and had my headphones and book by my side, ready to go. I ordered my drink, sat back, watched the beautiful setting and thought, heck, I need a picture of this. So, I strategically placed my beverage in my hand and positioned my legs perfectly for the picture. I took about… 20? Then, I sorted through those and realized my foot looked strange in each image, so of course, I took some more.

 I’m sure many of you know exactly what I’m talking about right now.

I ended up taking a ton of pictures and then rolled over onto my stomach to “quickly edit them.” I opened my VSCO app, started filtering the image and then I posted it. After I posted it, I found myself caught up in scrolling through Instagram mindlessly for about 30 minutes.

There I was, an hour into my “me time.” Worrying about capturing an image and then falling right into the Instagram rabbit hole. Getting sucked into what others were doing, when right in front of me was the best moment of all.


Another time, I remember we were up in Seattle and I wanted a picture of Parker with the water and boats behind him. We had perfect weather, the perfect lighting, and his outfit was extra cute that day. He was a little sleepy and hungry, as we were on our way to dinner. I had to get the picture though… I didn’t want to pass it up. I had Parker stand there to take some pictures and the kiddo was not having it. But this momma wasn’t giving up. I literally bribed him with dessert, which I felt was a bit of a low point for me. Tyson (who is not into social media or excessive photo taking anyway), looked at me and was like… “Babe, please can we just enjoy this right now without having to take a picture? Parker clearly doesn’t want to do this.”

And that brings me to the dilemma. The choice between documenting the moment vs. the mental memory and just enjoying it. 

 So here is my rant: Those two moments really impacted me. Specifically with the use of time. Not just on social media, but the time I put into taking pictures and documenting everything in general. As a very visual person, pictures mean the world to me. I love taking them, I love editing (the before and after) and I love reminiscing. But the real question is, can we just dial it back a bit?

I am the first person to be guilty of all of this. But can I challenge you? The next time you have really awesome plans or an event, try to NOT document any of it. In fact, try unplugging from social media and the news for a whole weekend and see how you feel. Anytime I have done this, I feel more content and present than ever.

I just got done unplugging for 3 days from emails and social media and I honestly haven’t felt that content with life in a long time. I was present with my family; we decorated the house for Christmas without having to document it to the world; I felt like I had more time in general; I made more time for things I don’t have time to do as much like taking a walk with the family, cooking, and crafts; AND, I felt less anxious, I slept great, and I didn’t complain once about what I want or don’t have.

I think this is the most troubling part about social media. We are being bombarded with all of the coolest things people are doing and subliminally we are saying, “I want to go there,” “I want a house like that,” “Gosh she has the perfect body,” “That family does so many cool things together, we need to do more of that” etc. etc. etc.

This can’t be good for us.

So (end rant), here is the point: Social media definitely has it’s perks. The connection, the inspiration, the creativity. Heck, I run two businesses based off of social media and I truly do love sharing images that I take and like with so many people. The point is to give yourself a break. Focus in on that quality time. You, your family, your friends, your life… they all want it. They all need it. And they all deserve it.

I strongly encourage you to try unplugging for a few days. Not just one day, try and at least go two. And pay close attention to how you feel. I’m telling you, it’s one of the healthiest things we can do and you just need to experience it for yourself.

xx
Lindsay

A Self Check-In

We are finally (mostly) settled in at our new place and I feel like I just want to let out the biggest exhale. I don’t remember moving being this stressful! I think the combination of moving while sick, moving out of the first home Parker was ever in, and running a business while doing it all was a LOT. I felt like I hit pause on life (and summer) and I’m finally pressing play again.

Somewhere in between all of this, I started to take a good look at my whole life. I just started to go through everything: Am I exercising enough? Have I been taking the time to simply breathe? Have I been unplugging after 5pm most nights? I did this big evaluation, not to be hard on myself, but to just check-in. Do you ever do this? I really feel like checking in with yourself is one of the simplest, most effective things we can do. Almost as if an alarm needs to go off every few months to say “hey, let’s take a good look at things.”

Anyway, my internal alarm went off and I tried to think about all of the things I’d love to work on. I’m obviously not going to be able to do all of this, but it was a simple reminder of the things that are important to me and to try my best to do as many as I can. See the list I made to myself below:

  • Cook more often. You love it.
  • Cut back on animal products.
  • Try and be asleep by 9:30pm (I used to always do this and lately it’s been more like 11pm).
  • Change up exercises and strive for yoga 2x a week.
  • Get ready most days! You are running out of lounge clothes to wear around the house. Plus, it just makes you feel better. ; )
  • Date night with Tyson 1x a week. Try new things, rather than just a dinner out.
  • Unplug as often as possible after 5pm to spend quality time with family.
  • Take more photos with my camera, less on my phone.
  • Do more things solo- (see below).
  • Give thanks every day for what I have and put less focus on what I want.
  • Eat as clean as possible.
  • Volunteer.
  • Mind over matter: Worry less. More positive thinking.
  • Floss at least every other day (LOL).
  • Blog more often. It’s more for you than anyone else.
  • Be in nature more often.
  • Drink less. Although I still don’t drink that often, I feel best when it’s only 2 or 3x a week max.
  • Meditate. You know you need to do this…
  • Try and not get distracted. Working from home can come with its own challenges. Stay focused.
We obviously know better than anyone, what is best for us. Taking time to check-in can be so powerful. 
One of the things that really stuck out to me when I was thinking about all of this, was my attachment to my family. Not a terrible problem, right? But really, especially now that I am working from home, we are always together. When we aren’t together, it feels so strange and a little uncomfortable. As sweet as this may sound (and natural for parents), I also don’t want to lose sight of who I am as my own person. Sometimes I need to remind myself to get out of my perpetual mom-mode and be, Lindsay. 
Do a little check in with me? If you really do, I hope you find some helpful reminders for yourself. Not ones that come with a bunch of pressure, but just things to remind you of what you want in life and what’s good for you. 
Happy Sunday, everyone! xx

It’s Been a Little While

I guess it’s time I do a life update! So much has changed in the last two months and I’ve really been reminded over and over again that when you feel that nudge for a change, you’ve got to listen.

When I wrote this post in February, I was ready to dabble into a bunch of things. I was working part time (remotely) at the talent agency in San Diego, then working for my friend that is an Interior Designer, then taking freelance creative jobs on the side as well, all while watching Parker most days. I was excited because I finally had a chance to try a bunch of new things and see what I liked best, but fast forward to the end of February and I was feeling scatter brained and overwhelmed.

Here’s what I realized… I like a lot of things. I’ve always been that way! However, being extremely Type A, feeling pulled in too many directions drove me nuts. I’ve also learned that as a Type A person, you can’t really be doing a bunch of things while trying to figure out what you want to do next. So, I ended up leaving the job in San Diego, stopped taking on any new projects and I took two weeks to not do anything. Financially this maybe wasn’t the smartest idea, but truthfully, in the end it was well worth it. I realized that I really needed a second to slow down and stop worrying about what was next, so I did just that.

One thing that I just couldn’t get out of my head, was the fact that I’ve wanted to start my own business for a long time and the talent world was definitely where I felt like I would thrive the most in. For those two weeks, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. One day I would want to start my own agency, and then the next day I was remembering what a weird world digital media is and how sometimes, I really hate it. I kept going back and forth on the idea.

I have always loved the actual job. Managing talent, negotiating rates, helping brands find the right people- I love it. The problem I have, is with everything else around it. The superficial part, the competition and the overall industry at times. I knew that if I were going to stay doing the job I love to do, I had to change it up. For me, I didn’t want to only see someone posing in every single picture on their social media feed anymore. (And please let me just say, if that’s your thing, do it. I also get that if you are a style blogger, it’s part of the game!) I just personally feel like there needs to be more. More substance, more to offer, less self-concerned, and more honest and inspiring.

That’s how Parker Management was born.

Parker Management thrives in the wellness, travel and lifestyle realm. And honestly, it feels so dang good. I went from feeling frustrated with social media, to feeling so inspired by these people. To know that the talent I get to work with truly do what they love and have a platform for that where they can have an audience and make money from it, is incredible. It’s less about “look at me” and a need a for fame, but more about truly showing the world what they are passionate about, and that makes running this business more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to : )

Oh, and now we are trying to find a new house to live in. We having been renting for a few years, but they are going to sell our place. We can’t decide whether to buy (although what I want is way out of our price range) or keep renting in a new place for another year. Blaaaah! So yep, that’s life, currently.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I’ll be soaking up as much of this Portland sunshine as I possibly can and of course working a bit (insert smiling/sweat emoji).

xx

Change of Pace

Well, it has been an official week and a half since I started my whole new working-from-home routine and I have to admit, this rules. I’m currently tackling a bunch of to-do’s, I have been spending a lot more quality time with my family and believe it or not, I actually feel more productive. And guys, this is even my second day without coffee, so YES. Go me.

I have been getting asked a lot about what job change I made and I am sorry to those of you I didn’t respond to! It’s kind of long story, but I will keep it brief here: I left my position at the modeling agency to start a new part-time role at a company called Be Social. They are in California, so for now, I will be working remotely up here in Portland and traveling down to San Diego more often. I’ll be doing similar talent management, just with influencers rather than models.

As for the rest of my time, I am jumping into some freelance creative work. I will be helping my good friend and her interior design business, assist in some social media strategy for a few brands, a little production here and there and some photography. Whew.

So there you have it! I’m pretty excited about everything. I feel like the creative side of me has been ignited again and it feels so good to have that back. I’ve even had time to refresh my blog, as you can see (just please excuse the dropdown menu for the next couple of weeks). Blogging has always been a fun side project for me so I’m excited to have the opportunity to spend more time on it.

Thank you for all of your support and for reading along; it means so much! Now excuse me while Parker and I finish up an episode of Masha and the Bear in bed… ; )

xx

Toddler Days

I can’t even believe how quickly time is flying by. I just want to hit pause and replay on so many of these moments. But here he is, our big 19 month old, just becoming a young boy before our very own eyes.

father and baby love

We really started to see him totally evolve into this little squish of a man at around 14 months. You know, a little attitude here and there, some very sneaky behaviors and a look on his face that screamed “I know you think I don’t know what’s going on here because I’m only 29 inches, but I know a lot more than you think I do.” Most parents can probably relate, but it is just incredible to watch them really start to develop. I mean, the moment he started using a fork on his own you would have thought we just won a car or something.

Gosh, parents can be such nerds in like, the absolutely best way possible. 

Anyway, the other side of all of this greatness are those other developmental things that really throw you off. For instance, I really try and make it a point to have sit down dinners at the table. I think it is so important for kiddos, but I also know you really have to try and make a good point to do so. Well, (un)lucky for us, our dining room table just happens to be on top of carpet. And me, mom over here, loves to make dinners that involve stuff that stains carpets (turmeric anyone?). So get a toddler over there and watch how fast that dinner goes on the carpet, their clothes, the walls, etc. I know many of you are with me right now…

So, what happens next? It’s time to discipline.

And this is where we are currently at. We’ve gone from time-outs and firm voices to re-directing and just completely ignoring. We try our hardest to hold back our true frustration when once again, Parker throws something at our face or screams (this is his new favorite) at the top of his lungs in the middle of a store. And while we’ve toyed with all options, we’ve found that re-directing has been the most effective so far. So, that is what we’ve tried to be consistent with, but let me tell ya… that takes some serious adult discipline. And sometimes adulting is not easy.

Okay, so I ask you… what are your tips and experiences? I have no ego when it comes to parenting. I love hearing everyone’s wisdom and tips/tricks. The food throwing is my least (current) favorite so tips on tackling that would be GREAT.

Otherwise, let me tell you the best part of this stage so far: the love.

Obviously I’ve always loved Parker, but the fact that now he is learning to reciprocate that love more outwardly is the best feeling. I will drop anything, at any point of my day just to hold him and cuddle him. It makes me so happy to see him be so affectionate. And I’ll take kisses on the lips ALL DAY LONG for as long as he will give them to me! (Did you ever read that backlash Victoria Beckham got for kissing her daughter on the lips? read here).

These days can be tough, but dang they are fun.

Momma loves you, Parker bug!

Mother’s Day

Dad and son photo

I don’t know about you other mama’s out there, but my Mother’s Day request was very specific. I’m not really one to love surprises (serial planner problems). So, my requests? Bellini’s, Gluten free eggs benedict, and to plop my booty in a lawn chair and sit out in the sun, pretty much all day and read a LOT of magazines.

Seriously. I closed my eyes and asked myself what sounded incredible ( I mean, other than being on an island with a cocktail) and this is what I came up with.

Hopefully YOU are doing something nice for yourself, for your own mama or for a great mama you know (or all the above). I can truly say that it is an honor to be Parker’s mama. My family is my entire world, and I have never been so full of love and joy until these two came into my life.

And a big shout out to my own mom. I’m becoming more like you every day. And while that is slightly frightening (lol), I also feel very lucky. I love you mama!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Quick, Easy + Healthy: A Day of Meals for a Toddler

a day of meals for a toddler

It’s hard enough planning meals for us adults, let alone our kiddos (am I right??) And since I’m not with Parker during the day throughout the week, I try and do all I can to make sure he has plenty of good food to eat. It is SO easy to reach for a box of mac n’ cheese or feed him starches all day. But, considering the fact that I get to control the food he eats (for now…) I’ve tried to put a lot of thought into things that are quick and easy to put together (and also taste great).

Just like I do for myself, I pre-cut a lot of fruit for the week and always make extra dinner for lunches the next day!

Here is a sample day of food for a toddler: 


Breakfast:
5 oz organic whole milk
Scrambled eggs with a side of avocado and sliced honeydew melon
*We share! Tyson and I make a big batch of scrambled eggs with spinach, mushroom and onions and Parker will eat the same.

Snack:
Lightly salted snap pea crisps or HappyBaby Puffs
Lunch:
Sunshine Burger heated with some organic green beans (all from frozen)

*And of course he is drinking water all day long

Snack:(optional)
Sliced almond cheese (soy free) and some raspberries
*Sometimes he needs this second snack, sometimes he doesn’t.
Dinner:
Salmon, sweet potato and veggies
6 oz organic whole milk 
*He normally just eats what we make for dinner



What are your go-to quick and healthy meals? I’d love some more ideas!